Monday, May 18, 2015

Adopting Twins

Hi, I'm Lucy!  Since my boys were born I have followed many support groups online for twin mommas and I have used Instagram to find photos of other ridiculously cute twins so I could follow their accounts and be a proud member of the "twin club." I enjoy seeing mommas of precious kiddos and I love to share the wonder and beauty that our boys are. I love to see posts of their kiddos sharing/snatching things from each other, learning to walk together, and talking to their sibling in that special little mumble that only the two of them can understand. I love the community I find in these forums but sometimes I am reminded that I don't fully belong. Without fail every twin momma I have come across has "the photo" that they are oh so proud of! You know the one I mean! The day before delivery, belly round as it can stretch, arms wrapped around the bottom because defying gravity is so hard!!! They are miserable and tired but they sure are proud that by sacrificing their body they have not one, but two humans about to meet the world! I don't have this photo of myself. I have a photo of another woman's tummy sacrificing for my boys and ultimately for my husband and our entire family.

This is our family!!!

Now let's rewind! My hubby and I met in high school. I was 15 and he was 17 when we first started hanging out. We dated all through school and on and off though college. We were married exactly 8 years after our first kiss. We knew we wanted kids but we were going to wait a while and enjoy married life before we tried. One of our first big surprises happened on February 13, 2009, just 4 months after our wedding... we were pregnant! We were terrified, excited, happy, and scared. Everything all at once. Our pregnancy continued to be a roller coaster of emotions. At 14 weeks we had a blood draw for our AFP test and it came back with all kinds of scary markers. My blood pressure was very high throughout the pregnancy and I was placed on bed rest. At 20 weeks I was put on hospital bed rest because of protein in my urine. I was told I would be there until delivery. Unfortunately that was only 3 more weeks. Our son was born via emergency c-section on June 26th. He weighed 13 ounces and was 11 inches long. He was alive for about two hours, most of our family and friends were there with us to welcome him, say hello and say goodbye as well.

Our son Thomas Wade

Our journey back to center after such a tough start was very terrible. Days were hard, nights were harder. Many nights I went to bed angry and sad. My awesome husband and family did what they could. We supported each other through tears and talks. We took the opportunity to travel, go back to school, and strengthen our marriage like we always thought we would do before having kids. Even doing fun, amazing things with our life led to guilt because we were supposed to be raising a child, not spending time alone together. There was not a magic moment that everything was just "ok" but I came across a quote that is what I chose to cling to. "Just keep living until you are alive again." That is what we did and slowly sadness turned to peace and I finally allowed anger to turn to happiness. 

On New Years Eve of 2013 the healed patch on our heart was strong enough that our resolution would be to look into how we could safely become parents again. We decided that pregnancy nor biological children were the important part to us.  The person I love the most in the whole world is my husband and we thankfully don't share one thread of DNA so I knew it was possible to love someone with my everything that wasn't biologically related to me. In March of that year we went to our first informational meeting with an agency about adoption. We came home and put the paperwork in a drawer! It was such a big commitment. They wanted to know about our home, our jobs, our faith, our money! We had to be screened psychologically and our doctor had to deem us healthy enough to parent! (What does that even mean?!?!) We finally got up the guts to finish all the paperwork and we were ready to attend the 8 hours of adoption parenting classes required by our agency by that fall. 

Trying to smile but really freaking out because
we were on our way to our first parenting meeting!!!

Getting ready for an early dinner on New Years Eve 2014 we got a call from our agency that we had filled out all of the paper work, our homestudy was done, and we were officially approved and ready to start sharing our profile with expectant moms. The way domestic adoption works now with the agency we chose is that potential adoptive parents create a profile book that condenses everything they wish to share about their life with a mom that wants to place her baby. Expectant mothers come to an agency wanting to place their babies with a family and they are shown many books. It is their job to pick the family that they feel will be the best fit for their child. This is why the process can take several years. Our agency does not have a first come, first serve list. They leave it up to the birth parent to select the family that is the right fit for their child. Potential adoptive parents receive an e-mail telling them about a situation and they are able to decide if they want their profile book shown or not. 

On January 17th (two and a half weeks after we were approved and started sharing our book!!!) we got an e-mail from our agency. They had an expectant mom who had come to them and had a special situation. They wanted to reach out to us and see if we were interested or not. This situation would come with lots of extra paper work because the expectant mother was pregnant with twins!! My heart jumped out of my chest!! I have only wanted twins since the beginning of time! We were very excited but also cautious and scared because we knew that several of the couples at our agency would want their books shown too. I mean, the list of people that would not be open to twins must be extremely short right?! We had to keep it together and wait. We had to answer within four days yes or no, we answered YES within 2 hours. 

Our birthmom was the first expectant mom to ever see our book. We found out on Saturday January 25, 2014 that she wanted to give us the biggest gift we have ever received, our sons to raise. We were over the moon. We set up a time to meet her in person so we could hug her and see her face!!! Do you know how crazy it is to be completely in love and afraid of someone AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE?!?  It is mind-blowing! 

This is the first picture we have of the fellas. (We don't post our
 birthmom's face because that is her side of the story to share.)

Our whirlwind had begun. The fellas were due March 21st so we had soooo much to do to get ready for their arrival. Our birthmom told me at one of our meetings that the boys shared a placenta but not a sack so I dove into Google. Mistake! I found out that she needed Dopplers and a Maternal Fetal specialist, all things she was not getting.  Her doctor told her it was fine to go 40 weeks with modi twins and there were no risks. I had to add that to my list of worries and prayers but not be too pushy because at any time this amazing lady could walk away from us and pick another family. Thankfully the boys came early at 37w2d. Our birthmom was a rockstar and had them both vaginally. I got to be in the delivery room with her and her mom. It was a very powerful moment to witness all the mommas join forces to get these amazing fellas here. 

Happiness over flowing!

Life at this moment is awesome! It has been 14 and a half months since the photo above was taken. We have an open adoption with our birthmom and she is working very hard to continue to shape her life into something beautiful. My hubby and I wake up every morning with a 97 page list of reasons to be happy! The boys and I dance around the playroom and I wonder how I ever got this lucky.  I do my best to ignore dirty dishes and laundry as long as possible just to be able to soak up the amazing wonders that they are. These little rays of light shine into every dark spot that exists and I owe them so much for just being their marvelous selves. 

Our little light rays!

If you are considering adoption or have other questions for Lucy, CLICK HERE to email her!

13 comments:

  1. Beautiful! I've always thought that adoption is completely selfless on both sides of the equation. This made me cry, thanks for sharing!

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  2. Beautiful! I've always thought that adoption is completely selfless on both sides of the equation. This made me cry, thanks for sharing!

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  3. You are amazing, Lucy (and your husband). This was so well written and so powerful. This line... this line got me: The person I love the most in the whole world is my husband and we thankfully don't share one thread of DNA so I knew it was possible to love someone with my everything that wasn't biologically related to me.

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  4. An absolutely beautiful story! Congratulations on your beautiful boys!

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  5. An absolutely beautiful story! Congratulations on your beautiful boys!

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  6. You are an awe inspiring mommy! No belly picture required!

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  7. I loved reading this! It brought tears to my eyes. What a beautiful mama you are!

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  8. Thank you very much. I'm really impressed with this article, it is very professional. I think you have to learn about this issue is very carefully and have good knowledge. facebook gratis , baixar whatsapp plus , futebol

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