Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Real Moms

The day I found out we were expecting twins I became best friends with Google.  I searched "twins" and "twin mom" and "pregnant with twins - will I ever sleep again?"  The results scared me for two reasons.  1.  There was so little information.  2.  The information was so negative. (Turns out you will sleep again - take that, Google.)

Since then, social media has continued to thrive and a little blog called Twin Talk began.   Now I find myself surrounded by fellow twin moms.  Supportive twin moms.  And, my goodness, what a blessing it's been to meet all of you.

I'm not sure you could find a twin mom more proud than me.  I have four #TWINMOM tops (for crying out loud) and a blog that's dedicated to life with twins.  If I take one of my kids somewhere, I always talk about their sibling because I just can't help myself.  I love being a twin mom.


I feel like there has been a bit of a shift in the twin mom world.  It's moved from a feeling of isolation to a feeling of superiority.  Twin moms encouraging each other sometimes comes at a price -  I've read supportive comments to one another that could really hurt singleton moms.  I see shirts and mugs that declare, "Real moms make twins" and I want to hide in a corner.  Snide comments along the lines of "It must be nice to only have one..." or "You think that sounds like a bad day..." insinuating a twin mom is better, stronger, and more knowledgeable than other moms (even if it was never intentional).

Let me be clear - I'm not innocent.  And it's still a life goal of mine to educate the world that B/G twins cannot be identical.

No one doubts the difficulties we face.  I've never met anyone who found out I had twins and said, "Must be a BREEZE!"  No, they always shake their heads and tell me my hands are full.  Even though I've heard it 1,000 times, I know it's simply their way of saying, "Way to go, mom."  This comment drives some twin moms crazy but friends, I don't think we're allowed to have it both ways.  We can't get upset at someone for saying our hands are full and then turn around and tell the world we work twice as hard and sleep half as much.

Simply put: All moms are amazing.  We should be proud of our twins and proud of ourselves... but not at someone else's expense.  I started this blog because I knew we needed a positive place to share our fascinating experiences with twins.  I love that there is a united front of women who are thrilled to be twin moms.  I want that excitement and joy to spread like wildfire because pregnant twin moms need to know what they are about to experience isn't scary - it's incredible.

I'm so grateful God blessed me with Jude & Sloane, who just so happened to arrive one minute apart.  I know my singleton mom friends feel every bit as grateful for their sweet babies.

Having twins didn't make us real moms - having kids did. We're all in this together.

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  1. Well said!! And as a former singleton-only mom and now twin mom + singleton, I totally see both sides and its hard no matter what! I also love the b/g comment about being identical! Haha. (@randomallison)

  2. Very well said! I couldn't agree more. I have a 3 year old daughter and now have 5 month old B/G twins. As newborns, each experience was both harder and easier and different ways (if that makes sense). I found this blog when I was pregnant with my twins and it has been a saving grace. Thank you for being a place of support for all moms!

  3. Also, I'm joining you in the mission to educate the world about b/g twins not being identical, but I'm also on a mission to educate the world that identical twins don't have to look exactly alike. Best of luck to us both on these missions.

  4. Thanks for the reminder. My coworker was just venting about her 2-year-old's stomach bug and I responded with "Well at least when she is better her twin doesn't turn around and get sick." Because I am just coming off two weeks of 1-year-old twins sharing a stomach bug (and no sleep of course)...I am going to apologize this minute!!

  5. Love this! I'm a first time twin mama and when I'm told that it must be hard, I always counter with the "I can't imagine have two of different ages - in different stages of development. That's hard!" I do the same thing but twice - I don't have to feed a baby and then chase after a child. But it's all really just relevant because the first time mama with 1 baby also probably has a rough go - parenting is hard in general!

  6. When people say "I can't imagine having two at the same time" I like to point out that this is all that my husband and I know! We've never known life with just one so this is normal for us. I think moms (and dads too, of course) rise to the occasion. No one really knows how to be a parent before you become one, whether it's to one baby or more than one. You still just struggle through until you figure out. Is it harder to have two than one? Sometimes. Is it also double the joy? Sometimes (less so at 2 am when you've already been up three times with two teething babies, not that I've had experience with that, or anything). Being a mom is hard sometimes. I think we all have to remember that competing about who has it harder doesn't actually make it any easier!

    (And yes, yes, and more yes to the b/g identical thing. Someone once replied "but are their FACES identical??" Yeah, that's still not a thing, sorry.)

  7. Ok so I have b/g and always get annoyed but I watched a video made by National Geographic called "Multiples in the Womb". You should watch it. B/G identicals are very rare but possible. The mother doesn't have the normal XX gene, she has an extra Y. So, she's XXY. The egg gets fertilized by a sperm carrying the X gene. When the egg splits, one half get the XX combo - a girl, and the other half somehow gets that extra Y gene to get XY - a boy. I know I probably sound crazy, and I don't know all the technical mumbo jumbo. I know I probably didn't explain it right. Look up "Multiples in the Womb" by National Geographic on YouTube It explains it on there.

  8. This is good! But I do think having twins IS scary! In a lot of ways…but you are right, it is so incredible too!! :)

  9. Meredith, you are awesome! This is such a considerate and thoughtful post, and the sentiment is so true. We do need to be careful not to create an air of superiority about being moms of multiples. Thanks for the reminder.

  10. Maybe I'm "breaking the rules" but I follow this blog as a "singleton" mom rather than a twin mom. (I have a 6 year old and a 1 year old.) The reason I read the blog is for ideas and inspiration (about sleeping, eating, scheduling, etc.) because all of those things apply to any baby whether there is one, two, three, or more. While I appreciate that having twins is completely different that having just one, I also appreciate this post and pointing out that twin moms are not better moms, they just have different challenges. I have the utmost respect for any mom, (singleton, twin, etc.) just for being a mom!