A few months ago I received an email from Ashley, a mom who follows my personal blog. She was about to meet a twin mom for a play date and asked how she could make the day easier for her. Ashley also asked what I wished singleton moms knew about twin moms. I was so touched by her email. I responded and shared a few ideas but the conversation stuck with me long after I replied.
What else do I wish people knew about life with twins?
1. When you look at my twins and say, "I couldn't do it," I smile politely and disagree. Yes you could. And you would love it.
2. I despise being the difficult mom. The mom who turns down park play dates (or any area that's not contained), the mom who requests to go somewhere with lots of high chairs, the mom who desperately wants to hold your baby but can't because both arms are being used to hold her own. Please know I so badly want to be laid-back, it's just not an option.
3. Boy/Girl twins cannot be identical. Two words: private parts.
4. I want to hear your stories. Many times I've had a friend start to share, stop, and say, "I know you have twins so I shouldn't complain." We all have hard days. Talk to me. Confide in me. Tell me about your problems so I can tell you you're not alone.
5. ...But when you talk about looking like a whale at 32 weeks pregnant and I looked like you at 18 weeks, do not be offended when I offer (very) little sympathy. ;)
6. When you ask, "Are they natural?" you remind me of the heartache we went through to get them. The months of negative pregnancy tests. The two miscarriages. The first round of clomid that worked a little too well. They are my babies. I know you don't mean to be insensitive, but those words hurt. And now that my kids are getting older and listening to everything you say, don't you dare ask that question in their presence.
7. Having kids very close in age is not the same as having twins. Honestly? Your situation sounds much harder to me. The infant stage was exhausting and the terrible twos have hit a little early, but they have instant playmates and best friends from the start. There are days I simply sit on the couch and watch them play. They teach each other how to love far better than I ever could.
9. Any mom who tells you she dislikes the excessive attention her twins receive is lying. Who doesn't love hearing sweet words about their kids? However, when the compliments turn to inappropriate questions (#6) or awkward statements (#1), the attention is no longer fun. (Someone mentioned this is not the case when you have twins plus one or more siblings, which I completely understand!)
10. I spend most of my days trying to keep my head above water. Some days I go to bed feeling like a complete failure and other days I go to bed knowing I did something right. Through it all, I adore my babies and want the absolute best for my family. And guess what? So do all moms. So maybe... maybe we're not that different after all.