Thursday, May 29, 2014

We're All In This Together

When Jude & Sloane were almost six months, I was wandering the aisles of Target and received a text from a girl I'd yet to meet in person but still considered a great friend.  You may know her.  (You do know her.  It's Amber.)


She was upset due to some backlash she'd received from one of her Instagram posts.  My heart hurt for her.  We texted back and forth and then it was over.

Except it wasn't.  I couldn't get it out of my head.  The horrible comments she received were from other moms.  Our friendship is based on supporting one another.  When Amber and I were pregnant, we were each other's biggest cheerleaders.  When we had our newborn babies, we shared the highs and lows to an empathetic ear.  Through our twins' nursing,  crawling, walking, talking, and now Twin Talk blog, we chose the easiest solution: support (and a lot of laughs).


After Michael and I put the twins to bed that night, I wrote about Amber's situation on my personal blog.

We've been so humbled by the support Twin Talk has received.  We braced ourselves for negative feedback and you guys have simply amazed us.  We're not naive; we know it'll come eventually.  But for now, we are so proud of the way this fantastic group of moms has rallied together.

The idea behind the following post is the catalyst that started Twin Talk.  It felt right to share it here...

(And for those who follow my blog, this will be the last time you see it - I promise!)


Original Post HERE  |  Published HERE

Before I had kids I was one of those women who rolled her eyes at crying babies in church, shuttered at tantrums in the grocery store, and felt like pacifiers were basically a gateway drug. I shared my "I will never (fill in blank)" and "My child will never (fill in the blank)" stories to all who would listen.

And then I had two babies.

There are many statements I made pre-babies that I still stand by. Most of them, actually. The difference is I now realize what I feel is best for Jude & Sloane is exactly that... what I feel is best. There are one million different ways to raise a child and my job is to raise my two the best I know how... and to keep my nose out of everyone else's business.

The day I became a mom I became a supporter of other moms. I didn't look at them as competition, I looked at them - at us - as an alliance. We are a group of women with different backgrounds, different beliefs, and different values, with one very important thing in common: we love our kids. To me, as long as you love your kid, I'm your biggest supporter.

I bring this up because a friend of mine was deeply hurt by other moms. She posted a picture on Instagram and mentioned she and her husband tried the cry it out method with their daughter one night. She received multiple comments and while many were words of affirmation, there were a few that were downright hateful. Some questioned her parenting while others told her to "do her research." One even said she hoped my friend's children let her cry it out in a nursing home one day.

I was absolutely appalled. I'm not upset that these people disagree with the CIO method, but why did they find it necessary to say such awful things to a fellow mom? There are several things we do (or don't do) with Jude & Sloane that might make you raise your eyebrows. They don't have bumpers in their cribs. They are almost six months old and have never had rice cereal. The television stays off when I'm home alone with them. If a pacifier falls on the ground, we stand by the five-second rule. We let them cry it out. They get all of their vaccinations.

All of these things could make one question our parenting but so far we've only received support. I know our day will come when someone makes a rude remark or a person without kids opens their mouth like I once did. I hope I handle it with grace. But more than that, I hope it never happens. This post is not new information--I have read multiple articles, blog posts, status updates, etc., that all center around the same idea: Support each other. Love one another. And the next time you feel the need to say something negative, smile instead and tell that mom she's doing an amazing job.

Because she is.

 


 
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5 comments:

  1. Great post Meredith. So very true. As a mum sometimes even the smallest bit of encouragement is all you need to know you're doing it ok. But the smallest criticism can make you feel awful. I'm always amazed at how people can cast judgements just like that. Luckily the majority of people have enough common sense to not criticise.

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  2. I love this. I was the same way pre-babies and now I totally get it. I take back all the comments I said back then. We are all just trying our best. Keep up the good work. Your babies are happy, healthy, and loved and that is all that matters:)

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  3. Love this post! I randomly sat down at the computer and happened upon this post. I recently got some negative back lash from a post I wrote about on my blog and I have not written a post since I took the post down down. It was a great post and I took it down because one person was offended. I should have stood behind my post! You post has inspired me to get back to writing to it! As a blogging MoM of twins I totally love the support and Love this blog spreads! keep it up!

    Thanks

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  4. This is such a great post. I give you and Amber so much credit for being so honest about everything, the good and the bad. I agree that there were things I said I'd never do with my kids, before I had kids, and once you become a mom, you realize everybody has a different situation and everyone is doing the best job they can do with THEIR kids. I've loved following Amber's blog since I overlapped pregnancy with her for a little bit (hers are a few months older than mine) and am so grateful for all the insight I've gained from everything she's shared. I also blog about my family, but don't publicize it in the least bit so I'm not at risk for negative comments. I commend you for 'putting everything out there' and reminding us all how we should be supporting each other.

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